Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
