Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
