Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bring me that man meat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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