OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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