You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
