i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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