In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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