i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
