I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
