We're like a lot better than the average bears
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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