I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
