She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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