She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
