she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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