I hate all girls vehemently.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
