i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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