Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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