the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
