I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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