The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
