My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
