My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
