After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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