did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
