You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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