I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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