Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
