i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
