I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
