There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
