apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
where are you?
Hypothermia
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
