fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
