I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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