Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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