Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
