Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize