Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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