So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
