How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize