This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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