she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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