I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are all done wearing pants today
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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