I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
