Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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