im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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