so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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