I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
