ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
