If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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