i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
