At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
