So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
