Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
