Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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