Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
