i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
