im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
