HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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