he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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