I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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