so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
