I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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